In Pursuit

Man oh man.

Lately, I just feel like my well of creativity gets these little spurts and then runs dry or something. I haven’t worked consistently on a game project for about 1.5-2 months now with the exception of the LD27 competition (boy, that was fun!). But with that settling down now, I feel like I’m kind of back to where I was.

And now that school is back in full swing, managing my time is even more crucial. I don’t have the leisure time I did this past summer. And frankly, its probably only going to get harder.

I can’t seem to settle on anything. I just want to start programming something, and yet I can’t seem to find good runs of motivation. You start to wonder if maybe you don’t want it as bad as you thought you did.

Game design is hard. I know that. And frankly, I know its not worth blasting myself over either; there are a lot more important things in life. But I do want it.

Over these last couple weeks, its been interesting. I think I’m in what I’ve heard called the “sophomore slump”, if you will. I have a good deal of knowledge when it comes to coding, and I’ve made quite a few games (finished and somewhat finished, released publicly and unreleased). But there’s this part of me that doesn’t want to make “just another game”. Its not what I was going for in the first place, and its still not what I want. I keep trying to settle on “smaller” ideas, but I can’t seem to get these to really move me to action. I’ve got bigger ideas I want to try. I want more.

Is that so much to ask? I suppose I feel like I still have so much to learn… as if I shouldn’t be thinking about the big-kahuna projects yet. I feel like I should roll out a few more small games. But the reality is, I’m not connecting with some of my ideas. I need to choose something… however long it takes me to find it… that will get me going. I just need to go for it.

Past that, I can’t think of much else “insightful” to say. Pursue a big game? Small game? Am I going to make a flop or a blockbuster? Eh, who knows. I just know I want to try to hard to make something of value. All these words may sound pretty, but without action to back it up, what good do they do? So if you’ll excuse me…

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